This entry is part of Middle Zone Musings’ groupwrite project What I Learned From Adversity:

Growing up, I didn’t have a very good picture of what a sound marriage looked like, much less what I would consider today to be a good marriage. My parents divorced when I was very young and though mom remarried none of them lasted, except for her most recent. So when Leigh and I got married fourteen years ago this month I was going in a bit blind.

Oh that’s not to say I didn’t have ideas about what I should do as a husband and what she should do as a wife. Some of them were even pretty good ideas (at least in my opinion). A good number of the ones early on probably weren’t. One thing that Leigh and I do agree on though is the verse in Ephesisans that says “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”. Now that doesn’t mean that we’re some weird science experiment. It does mean that in terms of how we treat one another, we should remember to do it as though we were treating ourselves in that same fashion.

It also means that we are partners. Whatever adversity comes our way, we need to work together to overcome it. God created woman to be a helper to man. God saw Adam and said that it wasn’t good for him to be alone, we need help and he made us the perfect helper. I can tell you that many is the time where I have tried to go through something alone under the notion that I was somehow helping Leigh. I’d say that I didn’t want to burden her or worry her. That was foolish. It’s like trying to run a marathon with one leg tied behind my back.

Sure it’s not always easy to go to your partner and admit that you screwed up or that you need help. It takes some pride swallowing. That doesn’t avoid the fact that it just needs to be done. You need to get over yourself and live with her as God intended. That actually goes to the women too. I’m not going to get into the whole submission argument here (though that passage is in Ephesians in the same chapter), but it’s just as important for the wife to go to her husband for help.

It also needs to be said that marriage is a model. Just as we have our spouse to help us, so also we have both the Church and the Holy Spirit. God never leaves us or forsakes us. The body of believers should be the same way. We are all joined together in Christ, partners in whatever life brings our way.

That’s what I’ve learned from adversity.

photo courtesy of antiguadailyphoto