So I have kids and I have a computer and I’m a geek, so a story I saw on the news about folks’ tax returns going out on to the internets thanks to their kids using software like Limewire caught my eye. I tweeted that “I can’t believe that there are parents that give their teens unfettered computer access.”

Now I can actually believe that there are parents out there that do that. I’ve met them. I think that they’re woefully ignorant of what havoc can be wreaked on their lives by that. That’s not the point though. Immediately (thanks to the magic that is Twitter) I got a couple of responses.

The gist of it was that one, fetters can be circumvented and that attempts to put restraints on where your kids can browse and what they can install on your computer are adversarial and authoritarian. Ultimately, according to the tweeters, that leads to a break down in trust and is more harmful than whatever damage could be done by letting the kids have their way.

Here’s my expanded two cents worth.

When it comes to blocking kids from surfing certain sites, or rather limiting them to only a few “safe” sites, I am doing that for my daughter (the only one that surfs at present) and will do it for all of my children as long as their maturity level requires it. What I will also do though is talk to them about why I think it’s necessary. I make my decision not out of an attempt to be adversarial, but to protect both them and my computer from the negative effects of certain sites, whether that’s porn or warez or phishing.

When it comes to the installation of software, there will be no software installed on any computer of mine by any child of mine without my approval. All it takes is one piece of malware to wreck your stuff and broadcast your info to the universe. Again that’s an effort to protect me and mine and there will be age appropriate education to back that up.

Gradually as they mature the fetters will come off. You do have to learn to trust your kids and they have to learn to trust you. The application of this trust certainly expands beyond computers to all aspects of your life. As kids grow and mature you need to slowly take your hands off and let them mess up (though at the right time they’ll have their own car/computer/whatever to mess up on).

The thing that sort of surprised me though was the push back on authority. I do have authority over my children and will until they reach a certain age (varies from state to state). This is upheld by the government and by my God. I choose to exercise that authority as fairly and justly as I can. There are times that I will put my foot down and that might still be necessary when they are teens.

Will they rebel against that? Surely. That’s part of the maturation process. Testing boundaries is necessary to growth. There will be consequences for that and they need to learn that when you cross authorities, bad things can happen. Car keys and logins can be taken away. I hope though that my children will realize that the rules I make for them, just like the rules God made for us, have love as a foundation.