Grief - digg this
I got a call from my brother this weekend.
Okay quick bit of Spiritualtramp trivia, for those of you that just pulled the "quizzical dog face".
My mom was married four times. The first time lasted a couple of years, the second a few months, and the third something like eight years. Number three had two children by a previous marriage. They would come visit us from time to time and I quite looked up to them both and in spite of the distance of years and the relatively brief amount of time we spent together I've always held them in my heart and mind. So much so that I refer to them only as my steps by way of clarification.
Wonder of wonders I got a call from Big Bro 1, a few weeks ago and we caught up and I exchanged info with him and my sister, including pictures, etc. etc. They are both doing well and have big families with beautiful children. So back to the call this weekend. Apparently our dad passed away. I'll spare you any details since I don't know much and they're not important. I'm also not posting this to elicit some sort of sympathy response (then why are you?). Mom and Dad divorced when I was twelve and I haven't done much communication-wise with him since.
When Big Bro told me I didn't really feel anything personally and didn't really know what to say. I was sad for them certainly, though none of us had a great relationship with him. I suppose I did a great deal of grieving post-divorce. Whatever the reason though, I can say that grief is a truly weird thing. I've never lost anyone very close to me. So in that sense I don't know what grief feels like. If I grieve for anything in this situation it is that Dad didn't really know anything about me or my family. Perhaps he would care, perhaps not.
Given my spirituality I also grieve for his lostness. Whether or not he knew God in those final hours of his life is something only he and God will know. Given what little I do know about him, he lived a life that was about as lonely as you could get. My prayer is for his mother who survives him and for Big Bro and Big Sis who have to deal with far more emotional and physical fallout than I do.
"May grace and peace be yours in abundance through full knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord" - 2 Peter 1:2
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” - Matthew 5:4
image by tanakawho
1 Not his real name.
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Total Number of Comments: 4
Sorry for your family's loss Scott. I often think that grief is as unique as our fingerprints. One thing that I do know is that grieving is an active process and cannot be done passively. If you feel a need to talk find someone that is a good listener and just be open.
Of course, please feel free to deep six my opinings on this.. I really don't know what you are going through and may be way off.
Blessings, Bob
Hey Scott,
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, even if you weren't close. I have no real experience with grief. I suspect that Kansas Bob is right and that it's very different for each of us. But I wouldn't worry too much about what you're supposed to feel or even if you're supposed to feel at all. If you need to feel something, you will in time.
You are fortunate, however, in that you have your siblings, your wife, your friends, and likely others who care about you and can help you sort these things out. Please let me know if I can be of any help.
I'm sorry. You lost me at the inclusion of the adorable quizzical dog face:)
Janet, I knew that would be a danger, but I was willing to brave it.
Thanks for the love guys. I'm working through it.